Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
