I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
