so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
