You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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