when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
