her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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