i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
