The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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