the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Of course I have a pirate flag
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
