How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
