you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
