We're facebook friends in real life
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
