I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
