Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
