so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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