she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
