I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i think i just lost a toe
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
