don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
