I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
