This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
