Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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