Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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