The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
