I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I looked at my own cervix.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
