nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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