I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There r osticjed everywhere
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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