I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
