Even water is tasting like jack daniels
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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