i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
