did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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