So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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