Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
