is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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