Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
