guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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