I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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