one word: firstdatebathroomanal
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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