you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
