I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My vagina is very pro this idea
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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