I accidentally burped into my bong.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
