Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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