I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
