ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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