the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
