Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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