Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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