Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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