what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
