dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
