Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
