Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
