it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
