We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I would ride that face into the sunset
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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