Are we in a gay sports bar?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
