drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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