Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
