well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
