It's like God shit irony all over that family
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
