hotel room ftw
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
