I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
