I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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