My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
