I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
