Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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