Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize