I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
