It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
