You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
