You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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