your room smells of hookers.
And success
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize