You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
