You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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