she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
