overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
