Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
