she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
