if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
