So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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