I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
