so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
