you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize