my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Is it because I queefed?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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