In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
