You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This is classic penis vs brain.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
