Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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