Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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