I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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