It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
