The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize