So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
