I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
