I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
