Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
two words...techno handjob
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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