Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
