drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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