hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
