I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize