You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
