Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize