Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
