I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
