hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
