Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
