so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
