I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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