Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
