i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize